Fall's Here -- Couple's Return Home

As we slide on into October, Seattleites also begin their preparations to transition much of their time back to indoor activities. Much of that time ends up being time at home. We see a lot more of our loved ones and partners as the clouds start hanging in The Sound. When relationships are working well, the time at home can be just as enriching. If there are tensions, pains, and frustrations that can be avoided while outside and active -- the discord is much harder to avoid when fall and winter bring you face to face with your partner.
Disagreements are a given. If the disagreements are confronted and discussed, a couple has an opportunity for deeper understanding and a chance to work together as a team. Your intuition can gauge how productive your arguments unfold and resolve. Believe it or not, having the same arguments and differences of opinions do not mean the relationship is doomed. People in lasting relationships disagree about more things than they do agree. The ways in which arguments are approached are more telling of a relationship's resiliency.  Arguments where respect is lost, a person feels insecure, shut down, or like they're walking on eggshells -- these are feelings that signal deeper issues are influencing interactions with a partner.
Some helpful advice in soundbite form:

Build opportunities for teamwork: Find some chores and projects to take on together. Cook some meals together. Recognize those moments that you do agree about solutions.
Make time for quality time: Set a date night. Eat meals together.
Stoke warmth and intimacy: Massages, Cuddling, Day at the spa, adventures, and, yes, of course, sex.
Stay curious: Have an authentic interest in your partner, their growth, their feelings. You need not interrogate, but show that you simply are curious to know about their day, what was enjoyed, what was difficult, and what was noteworthy.

Kids Have the Scoop on Coping Skills

I love the neurophysiology lesson about the neocortex. I'm taking an extra easy breath right now.

SHORT FILM ‘JUST BREATHE’ HELPS KIDS DEAL WITH EMOTIONS

New Trauma Credential -- CCTP

Officially a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional... with even greater knowledge in promoting growth after trauma.

Life / Work Balance

There are all sorts of obligation that we stack on our day. In addition, there can be obligations to ourselves. There are tasks we must get done to keep our tummies filled, our heads dry, and our selves safe. It's harder to recognize the obligations to ourselves to keep our hearts full and our heads clear. Here lies the Life / Work Balance. For the over 160 million working Americans, and others who have other less recognized jobs (homemakers et al) we try to keep a balance in keeping an obligation to the jobs that keep us and our family and to balance that with our need for compassion, fun, recreation, health, and spirit.
Some of the first few sessions with clients will visit self care - are you keeping healthy physically and doing what you can to live a mentally fit lifestyle? Life / Work balance can get more complicated, though. Life / Work balance will feel uncomfortable. When you start making room for more life you may find yourself wrapping up your workday with undone tasks. You may feel like your opting out of important work meetings or events that meet in the evening or weekend. The unanswered phone calls and emails, feel like their dangling when you've put a little more life in your day and week.
Certain themes especially make this an anxious transition. A sense of perfectionism, obligation, and need to be liked all can interfere with this transition. Take the time to recognize how other coworkers are fitting in balance. Take the time to recognize your competencies, your demonstrations of responsibility, and how you're appreciated. Greater allowances for time-off, friends, family, sport, etc. will actually improve your productivity.
If this helps -- even the leaders of The Free World take vacation days:

Compared to past presidents, Obama takes few vacations

Stressed Americans without Services

Let's hear all the tips out there for stress management. I'll start -- get at least 7 hours of sleep each night. (9 is the optimal median.)
Stressed Out Americans Want Help, But Many Don't Get It from NPR

There's An App For That

The mobile technology innovation continues to permeate into our lives -- like most things -- it's a double edged sword. We have information at our fingertips at the cost of unsolicited information flooding our lives and minds and a loss of privacy.
Journaling provides a great opportunity to get thoughts out of the head, on paper, no longer bouncing around in your head. Someone pointed out to me recently that there are now great apps to keep journals. When the caveat to writing a journal has always been to make sure it can be kept safe from others' eyes, apps provide even greater security for our private thoughts. Here are a few mobile apps just for journaling:

 

Journal (Nook)

myMemoir (iPad)
iJournaler (iPad)

There are many other mobile apps that provide some bona fide benefits to our mental health:

Relax: Stress & Anxiety Relief (Android)

Stress Test & CBT Self-Help (Android)
Let Panic Go (iPad/iPhone)