Fall's Here -- Couple's Return Home

As we slide on into October, Seattleites also begin their preparations to transition much of their time back to indoor activities. Much of that time ends up being time at home. We see a lot more of our loved ones and partners as the clouds start hanging in The Sound. When relationships are working well, the time at home can be just as enriching. If there are tensions, pains, and frustrations that can be avoided while outside and active -- the discord is much harder to avoid when fall and winter bring you face to face with your partner.
Disagreements are a given. If the disagreements are confronted and discussed, a couple has an opportunity for deeper understanding and a chance to work together as a team. Your intuition can gauge how productive your arguments unfold and resolve. Believe it or not, having the same arguments and differences of opinions do not mean the relationship is doomed. People in lasting relationships disagree about more things than they do agree. The ways in which arguments are approached are more telling of a relationship's resiliency.  Arguments where respect is lost, a person feels insecure, shut down, or like they're walking on eggshells -- these are feelings that signal deeper issues are influencing interactions with a partner.
Some helpful advice in soundbite form:

Build opportunities for teamwork: Find some chores and projects to take on together. Cook some meals together. Recognize those moments that you do agree about solutions.
Make time for quality time: Set a date night. Eat meals together.
Stoke warmth and intimacy: Massages, Cuddling, Day at the spa, adventures, and, yes, of course, sex.
Stay curious: Have an authentic interest in your partner, their growth, their feelings. You need not interrogate, but show that you simply are curious to know about their day, what was enjoyed, what was difficult, and what was noteworthy.

Congrats, Grads!

A First Job Is Like A First Date, And Other Advice For Graduation Day

A recent article from NPR that lists economists' advice about getting your first job.
New grads often feel like that first job will define the rest of their careers. First jobs are simply the first position you hold. If anything a job that's disliked is always a learning experience. It can be helpful to know what you do not want to do, what your limits are, and learn when you actually have a choice.
Good luck and great job new grads!

Healthy Eating = Healthy Feelings

The mind and body share a strong link - our mind comes out of our body's many movements, impulses, and chemical reactions. Literal movement from our muscles, to the hormones that surge through our body all play a part. Of course, how we eat impacts our thought and emotion! I always love simpler tips to healthy eating.
The Environmental Working Group has put forward its recent Good Food on a Tight Budget guide. EWG's webpage gives a number of helpful guides for healthy living all worth consideration.

Lists of 5

If there's work to be done between sessions, I often suggest to clients to write a list of 5. Lists of 5 give helpful signposts toward growth and insight. When creating a list of 5, it gives room for multiple possibilities, a choice of direction, and it is not such an overwhelming list that one gets lost. Lists of 5 can be sequential, or ranked, or simply what comes to mind first.
When faced with a complicated or long-term goal, I find it helpful to ask myself, "What are my next 5 steps?" It's not necessarily that #5 will mean mission accomplished, but it will leave me 5 steps closer to my gaol.
Lists of 5 can also be helpful in reflecting on mission and purpose. Some lists of 5 to think of:

What are my 5 passions?
Who are my 5 biggest supports?
What are 5 obstacles in life?
What are my 5 most disturbing memories?
What are my 5 strengths?

You can always lengthen the list. It's worth asking yourself, why those 5 before 6, 7, or 8.