As we slide on into October, Seattleites also begin their preparations to transition much of their time back to indoor activities. Much of that time ends up being time at home. We see a lot more of our loved ones and partners as the clouds start hanging in The Sound. When relationships are working well, the time at home can be just as enriching. If there are tensions, pains, and frustrations that can be avoided while outside and active -- the discord is much harder to avoid when fall and winter bring you face to face with your partner.
Disagreements are a given. If the disagreements are confronted and discussed, a couple has an opportunity for deeper understanding and a chance to work together as a team. Your intuition can gauge how productive your arguments unfold and resolve. Believe it or not, having the same arguments and differences of opinions do not mean the relationship is doomed. People in lasting relationships disagree about more things than they do agree. The ways in which arguments are approached are more telling of a relationship's resiliency. Arguments where respect is lost, a person feels insecure, shut down, or like they're walking on eggshells -- these are feelings that signal deeper issues are influencing interactions with a partner.
Some helpful advice in soundbite form:
Build opportunities for teamwork: Find some chores and projects to take on together. Cook some meals together. Recognize those moments that you do agree about solutions.
Make time for quality time: Set a date night. Eat meals together.
Stoke warmth and intimacy: Massages, Cuddling, Day at the spa, adventures, and, yes, of course, sex.
Stay curious: Have an authentic interest in your partner, their growth, their feelings. You need not interrogate, but show that you simply are curious to know about their day, what was enjoyed, what was difficult, and what was noteworthy.
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Kids Have the Scoop on Coping Skills
Monday, February 2, 2015
Life / Work Balance
There are all sorts of obligation that we stack on our day. In addition, there can be obligations to ourselves. There are tasks we must get done to keep our tummies filled, our heads dry, and our selves safe. It's harder to recognize the obligations to ourselves to keep our hearts full and our heads clear. Here lies the Life / Work Balance. For the over 160 million working Americans, and others who have other less recognized jobs (homemakers et al) we try to keep a balance in keeping an obligation to the jobs that keep us and our family and to balance that with our need for compassion, fun, recreation, health, and spirit.
Some of the first few sessions with clients will visit self care - are you keeping healthy physically and doing what you can to live a mentally fit lifestyle? Life / Work balance can get more complicated, though. Life / Work balance will feel uncomfortable. When you start making room for more life you may find yourself wrapping up your workday with undone tasks. You may feel like your opting out of important work meetings or events that meet in the evening or weekend. The unanswered phone calls and emails, feel like their dangling when you've put a little more life in your day and week.
Certain themes especially make this an anxious transition. A sense of perfectionism, obligation, and need to be liked all can interfere with this transition. Take the time to recognize how other coworkers are fitting in balance. Take the time to recognize your competencies, your demonstrations of responsibility, and how you're appreciated. Greater allowances for time-off, friends, family, sport, etc. will actually improve your productivity.
If this helps -- even the leaders of The Free World take vacation days:
Some of the first few sessions with clients will visit self care - are you keeping healthy physically and doing what you can to live a mentally fit lifestyle? Life / Work balance can get more complicated, though. Life / Work balance will feel uncomfortable. When you start making room for more life you may find yourself wrapping up your workday with undone tasks. You may feel like your opting out of important work meetings or events that meet in the evening or weekend. The unanswered phone calls and emails, feel like their dangling when you've put a little more life in your day and week.
Certain themes especially make this an anxious transition. A sense of perfectionism, obligation, and need to be liked all can interfere with this transition. Take the time to recognize how other coworkers are fitting in balance. Take the time to recognize your competencies, your demonstrations of responsibility, and how you're appreciated. Greater allowances for time-off, friends, family, sport, etc. will actually improve your productivity.
If this helps -- even the leaders of The Free World take vacation days:
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Gratitude Practice
Gratitude healthy attitudes takes practice. As I've discussed in previous posts, there are patterns of negative thought that occur in depression and anxiety. It takes practice to disrupt those patterns. Taking the time to recognize people and events we're grateful for on a daily basis helps to disrupt patterns of worry and hopelessness. Making gratitude a social experience can enrich the meaning of practice. Try telling friends, family, loved ones... and sometimes strangers that you're grateful for what they do for you. See how that works!
Some other great articles on thankfulness, it benefits, and practices:
Some other great articles on thankfulness, it benefits, and practices:
The Neuroscience of Why Gratitude Makes Us
Friday, May 17, 2013
Congrats, Grads!
A First Job Is Like A First Date, And Other Advice For Graduation Day
A recent article from NPR that lists economists' advice about getting your first job.
New grads often feel like that first job will define the rest of their careers. First jobs are simply the first position you hold. If anything a job that's disliked is always a learning experience. It can be helpful to know what you do not want to do, what your limits are, and learn when you actually have a choice.
Good luck and great job new grads!
A recent article from NPR that lists economists' advice about getting your first job.
New grads often feel like that first job will define the rest of their careers. First jobs are simply the first position you hold. If anything a job that's disliked is always a learning experience. It can be helpful to know what you do not want to do, what your limits are, and learn when you actually have a choice.
Good luck and great job new grads!
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