Kids Have the Scoop on Coping Skills

I love the neurophysiology lesson about the neocortex. I'm taking an extra easy breath right now.

SHORT FILM ‘JUST BREATHE’ HELPS KIDS DEAL WITH EMOTIONS

New Trauma Credential -- CCTP

Officially a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional... with even greater knowledge in promoting growth after trauma.

Life / Work Balance

There are all sorts of obligation that we stack on our day. In addition, there can be obligations to ourselves. There are tasks we must get done to keep our tummies filled, our heads dry, and our selves safe. It's harder to recognize the obligations to ourselves to keep our hearts full and our heads clear. Here lies the Life / Work Balance. For the over 160 million working Americans, and others who have other less recognized jobs (homemakers et al) we try to keep a balance in keeping an obligation to the jobs that keep us and our family and to balance that with our need for compassion, fun, recreation, health, and spirit.
Some of the first few sessions with clients will visit self care - are you keeping healthy physically and doing what you can to live a mentally fit lifestyle? Life / Work balance can get more complicated, though. Life / Work balance will feel uncomfortable. When you start making room for more life you may find yourself wrapping up your workday with undone tasks. You may feel like your opting out of important work meetings or events that meet in the evening or weekend. The unanswered phone calls and emails, feel like their dangling when you've put a little more life in your day and week.
Certain themes especially make this an anxious transition. A sense of perfectionism, obligation, and need to be liked all can interfere with this transition. Take the time to recognize how other coworkers are fitting in balance. Take the time to recognize your competencies, your demonstrations of responsibility, and how you're appreciated. Greater allowances for time-off, friends, family, sport, etc. will actually improve your productivity.
If this helps -- even the leaders of The Free World take vacation days:

Compared to past presidents, Obama takes few vacations

Information Bias

Many of my posts have touched on the concept of perceiving Truth. It's an important topic to people - we rarely questions our own sense of truth and it scares a person when his sense of truth is rattled. The model that people have a set sense of Truth and all new information follows is not new to psychology. The idea of how prevalent and regular this occurs, however, has recently rattled the sense of the Psyche, however.

As psychologists developed the model of Cognitive Psychology, they regularly used the two terms Assimilation and Accommodation to describe the ways in which we retain knowledge and build our personal models of the world. Each day we're faced with a plethora of new facts, sensations, images. As we take in the information, we compare that info to our sense of the world. While our view and concept of the world may grow bigger, we are assimilating the new information into our picture of the world. If pieces of information don't seem to match our map, we find ways to adjust the picture. As one example, consider the different ways we draw flat maps of our spherical world.

 

Cartographers pinch maps one way or stretch it another in order to show a round world on a flat map -- they have to make different accommodations in their representation of the world. The more accurate a representation a person needs, however, it becomes more difficult to assimilate that info as the map is drawn. Ultimately, a person may need to accommodate their concept of the world by using a globe.

Similarly, we can take in information that matches our own perception of the world, or we can change our perception of the world. For adults, accommodating our perception is a more difficult task -- think of all the learned information we have to reevaluate! We become victims of our own preconceptions - it can be easier to accept the information that matches our perception of the world and omit/forget/ignore any information that may not match. We unconsciously choose to see, hear, feel, smell, and taste only what reasserts our image of the world. This information bias can be benign and help keep our lives efficient. The dangers, however, come in the potential to miss vital pieces of information or perpetuate troublesome patterns of suffering in our lives.
The specific information bias is called confirmation bias -- we are biased toward the facts, figures, and examples that confirm what we believe is true. Where psychologists once provided a model where people at worst ignored new information, confirmation bias, demonstrates that we're even more difficult to dissuade. We not only ignore information that might challenge our perceptions, but we assimilate information in a way that helps perpetuate any faulty beliefs and interpretations. It becomes more and more difficult to find evidence that proves us wrong because our brain often strengthens its ability to identify only what it believes to be true.
Consider this study by Victor and colleagues which demonstrates that people suffering with depression are more likely to identify sad faces even on an unconscious level. Research continues to demonstrate that the anxious brain and the depressed brain regularly practice information bias - easily identifying facts in our life that prove the rule and (often unconsciously) ignoring facts to prove the exceptions.
It takes active practice to question assumptions and identify exceptions to our preconceptions. I frequently give clients tools that help draw out the exceptions. By helping our mind find reasons for joy, hope, satisfaction and through training the brain to more readily see these examples in our life, it becomes harder to stay depressed or anxious.

Reflecting on True Self

The concept of “True Self” often escapes description or a cohesive concept that all can agree on. The term itself was coined in psychology circles by Dr. Donald Winnicott. The idea of the real self has been around for some time, and within psychology it’s had many names with even more theories about where it lies. Ego, Authentic Self, True Self, Psyche all show some attempt to better define this aspect of a person’s self. Ideally a person in touch with his whole self and authentic, True self enjoys greater insight, less suffering, and a more healthy outlook.
It helps when discussing True Self to discuss what True Self is not. Looking at “false selves,” shows a piece of a person that is not the True Self. There are terms used regularly to show a false self’s presence: poser, fraud, cheat, fake, phony, hypocrite – it goes on. In some ways, a person knows he’s interacting with a false self, the same way he knows he’s interacting with a True Self – he knows it when he sees it, smells it, feels it. It’s much easier to confirm he has been deceived or mislead than to know he has been shown the authentic person. A person presenting a false self will say one thing, but their actions say something else. Each day people face the unfortunate truth that each person’s self they deal with (their own selves included) are falsifiable – it takes only witnessing a disingenuous act to realize “I’ve been duped.” (You can’t prove the absence of deception.)
A person expresses false selves for a number of reasons, all ultimately to protect herself. When she faces dangerous situations, it can be harmful to put her True Self forward. She may face criticism, invalidation, exclusion, cruelty, or oppression.  Sometimes, she has good reason not to trust those around her. Families, communities, and cultures place consequences to challenges and changes. The drive to express her true self may seem insignificant to the faced consequence of that expression. When settings change, the consequences change, and the ability to be true to herself (hopefully) may come easily.
As noted in the last post – perception is everything. Often people don’t realize that they no longer live in such an oppressive setting as they once did. People often carry the values and culture they were raised in. While the culture has changed, the family has changed, and the consequences have changed, a person may not perceive the new conditions. One terrible trauma may change a person’s sense of security, altering their judgment of people and society. The strong emotions of trauma can exaggerate the accuracy of fears.
There are of course less protective reasons to be false. Lying, deceiving, misleading can get people things. The consequences down the line can be troubling: poor relationships, less respect from others and ourselves, arguments, retribution. Depending on past experiences, it may be more comfortable to portray a false self than share intimacy or keep respect. Again, perception may blind a person to such consequences or affect his priorities.
An exercise Dr. Marsha Linehan provides in her DBT material asks the reader to consider the person that has caused the reader the most suffering. The challenge for the reader is to examine what causes the transgressor’s own happiness and suffering. It’s a tricky feat for the victim of deception to recognize the human motivation that created the deception. It’s easier to accept (not condone) the reality of false selves when we aknowledge that not everyone feels safe in the world. It’s also easier to recognize the false selves that we rely on – and it’s worth considering whether we need them to stay safe. There is a great deal of satisfaction that comes from experiencing and portraying our True Self, especially when we share her safely with others.