There's a list of recommended exercises I pull from when working on assertiveness with clients. It comes from Dr. Linehan's DBT Manual - the Interpersonal Effectiveness chapter. It's a whole list of ways to make requests of people in settings that are generally safe. For some (including myself), a portion of the exercises can feel like a real challenge.
There's two suggestions that didn't make the list, but other clients and group members have recommended. (I have since found them in other material.) One of those suggestions is asking a sales associate to open a display case for you without buying an item. I regularly picture the scene from Wayne's World in which the sales person in the guitar shop reluctantly obliges. BUT the salesperson draws the line at the first few notes of "Stairway." And, he ultimately asks Wayne to put the guitar back in the case. (Yes, I realize Wayne then purchases said guitar.) When building assertiveness, it helps to recognize that other people we make requests of have some responsibility in setting their own limits and refusing or rebuffing. If they don't want to hold resentment, it's their responsibility to keep to a line or say "No." Most people let us know gently and politely that we're putting them out or crossing a line.
Another suggestion brought up has been sending food back when dining at a restaurant (even if it is exactly what you asked for.) This tends to get a debate going in DBT skills groups I've led. In session, it often gets a strong pushback, as well. I'm all for the "social experiment" for a good cause -- restoring a person's voice and recognition of one's own worth. It excited me to read this article. "Why sending something back at a restaurant is perfectly fine — and how to do it right" Seattle Times Yes, it still does not bring up the issues of the legitimacy of the "social experiment"/exposure therapy in a restaurant setting. It does, however, show that a dish may still be sent back while by all measure it's a fine plate -- it comes down to personal taste.
Today marks a day of balance - half light, half dark. In honor, you can get out one of those Thought Records I often hand out and log the balanced thought - the world's not simply black and white!
Officially a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional... with even greater knowledge in promoting growth after trauma.
The mobile technology innovation continues to permeate into our lives -- like most things -- it's a double edged sword. We have information at our fingertips at the cost of unsolicited information flooding our lives and minds and a loss of privacy.
Journaling provides a great opportunity to get thoughts out of the head, on paper, no longer bouncing around in your head. Someone pointed out to me recently that there are now great apps to keep journals. When the caveat to writing a journal has always been to make sure it can be kept safe from others' eyes, apps provide even greater security for our private thoughts. Here are a few mobile apps just for journaling:
myMemoir (iPad)
iJournaler (iPad)
There are many other mobile apps that provide some bona fide benefits to our mental health:
Stress Test & CBT Self-Help (Android)
Let Panic Go (iPad/iPhone)
If there's work to be done between sessions, I often suggest to clients to write a list of 5. Lists of 5 give helpful signposts toward growth and insight. When creating a list of 5, it gives room for multiple possibilities, a choice of direction, and it is not such an overwhelming list that one gets lost. Lists of 5 can be sequential, or ranked, or simply what comes to mind first.
When faced with a complicated or long-term goal, I find it helpful to ask myself, "What are my next 5 steps?" It's not necessarily that #5 will mean mission accomplished, but it will leave me 5 steps closer to my gaol.
Lists of 5 can also be helpful in reflecting on mission and purpose. Some lists of 5 to think of:
What are my 5 passions?
Who are my 5 biggest supports?
What are 5 obstacles in life?
What are my 5 most disturbing memories?
What are my 5 strengths?
You can always lengthen the list. It's worth asking yourself, why those 5 before 6, 7, or 8.
Another suggestion brought up has been sending food back when dining at a restaurant (even if it is exactly what you asked for.) This tends to get a debate going in DBT skills groups I've led. In session, it often gets a strong pushback, as well. I'm all for the "social experiment" for a good cause -- restoring a person's voice and recognition of one's own worth. It excited me to read this article. "Why sending something back at a restaurant is perfectly fine — and how to do it right" Seattle Times Yes, it still does not bring up the issues of the legitimacy of the "social experiment"/exposure therapy in a restaurant setting. It does, however, show that a dish may still be sent back while by all measure it's a fine plate -- it comes down to personal taste.
